Today has most certainly been one of the more interesting days I have had the displeasure of experiencing lately. Let me start at the start. I woke up at seven AM completely unmotivated and absolutely suffering from a lack of sleep. I got myself freshened up and had a monster. Then it took me approximately two hours to get together the motivation to get started on my homework (which I had planned three hours for the day prior, but I took the wrong book with). I almost got finished when I had to get ready to leave to school. Right as I hop on my bicycle it starts raining. And not just a little trickle either. Full on pouring down from the heavens. Having finally arrived at school, walking to the entrence I need people start knocking on the window and looking and yelling at me. Fun. I thought I would not have to deal with that behavior as much anymore now that I have finally left my piece of shit highschool. But I guess not. Then I had math class, surprisingly one of the highlights of my day. After this I got to the best part of the day: a lunch date to subway with my fiance and coupons. We both ate different iterations of a tuna sandwich. Then we both went home seperately. I got rained on again. Some girls were following me on their bicycles and yelling stuff at me. I did not feel bothered to respond. At a given point one of them almost felt off their bicycle and I think that was kind of funny. Having finally arrived home, absolutely exhausted and cold to the touch, I just laid down somewhere and mainly rotted for hours. Then in the evening I got in an argument about hate and how hating people is not normal or something. It was just the nail in the coffin for an already shitty day. Now I am here and writing this post. Still low on motivation, and quite honestly, I am quite exhausted.

Homo res sacra homini. Humans are holy to other humans. We care for eachother indiscriminately and help eachother feel better.
Homo res sacra homini. We lift eachother up no matter what it takes from us. We care for others even if it is not in our own best interest. We help one another when we are in need of help. We help eachother reach our full potential.
Homo res sacra homini. We avoid inflicting harm upon another, even if it is harmful to us. We care for eachother, because deep in each of our souls there is kindness that wishes to be expressed. That wants to be put out into the world.
These are some thoughts that I feel align with this quote. I do not believe any of them are true on their own, by themselves. I believe they are in a delecate balance with the thoughts I found on homo homini lupus yesterday.

Homo homini lupus. Humans are as a wolf to their fellow humans. We harm eachother for our own benefit. We use others regardless of the consequences this has on others.
Homo homini lupus. We care more about our own interest than we do. We go as far as to start wars to line our pockets. We kill people en masse just because it gives us money, prosperity, food, and whatever else it could provide to us. We systemetically eradicate other groups of our fellow humans just in order to provide us even the smallest of benefits.
Homo homini lupus. We deceipt eachother and we steal from eachother. We pillage eachother and we and kill for our own good. We put others down to lift ourselves up. The harm we cause upon others satisfies our deepest feelings of agression. The feelings we get told to suppress but deep down want to express.
These are some peoples thoughts about this quote or thoughts expressed through the quote. I do not personally think homo homini lupus I a singular truth. I think it is in balance with its opposite. Homo res sacra homini. I will write more about this tomorrow.

This post will once more be inspired by thought, ideas and experiences I had today. I went to the store to get some food and drinks because I knew a bad storm was coming and would not be able to go anymore later. It was oddly quiet on the route toward the store. Barely a soul on the road. Barely a cloud in the heavens above. Say for a car that had seemingly broken down on the side of the road. When I finally entered the shopping area, the awful calmness remained unbroken. Barely a soul in sight. This abhorrent serenity followed me into the store. It was incredibly peaceful and calming, but felt like a warning to heed, a bad omen of sorts. In the store, I slowly felt the calm that had started to form within me break into anxiety and panic. I tried to get out of there fast, but failed miserably at that. I ended up being in that store much longer than it felt or I would have expected. Finally having left the store, I noticed that, rather than the beautiful and peaceful blue sky with a bright sun, there was now a thick curtain of dark purple, angry looking clouds, coming in my direction. On the streets it was even more peaceful, but the wind was stronger. I hurried on home as fast as posible. Well, as fast as I could on my actively breaking down bicycle and ever strengthening headwind. Initially I had attended to drink some shitty ginger beer on the way back, but I could not because I was busy trying to get home fast. Almost at home, I saw two cars (different spot, different cars) on the side of the road, which made it appear like they had crashed mere moments before the storm was about to unleash its fangs upon us. Minutes after I got inside, the weather got bad. Severe rain, lightning bolts every couple seconds, incredibly hard winds. It was a sight to behold. How something went from so calm and so peaceful, to something so chaotic, and so dangerous at a moments notice. I am very glad I made it home on time, because to be stuck in the midst of a thunderstorm, although uniquely liberating and freeing, is not something I am looking to repeat for quite some time. All that having been said, I hope you got some inspiraion/entertainment/whatever out of reading this post I wrote. Have a good one!

Today I had a lot of time to think, which I, partially, did take. I also took in a couple video essays, as I am typing this I have one blaring in the background about cults. The one which I had on earlier today was about old creepypasta stories. But not just your regular slenderman, ben drowned, rake and smiling dog. Rather, it was about the slightly less known creepypastas. One of these being one I have very vague memories of. This one being part of some search and recue story which was hours upon hours long. It was mainly refered to as the stairs in the woods or the stairs in the forest or something similar to that. This idea of perfectly intact stairs, looking like they came straight out of a builing, in a perfect states, in the middle of a forest is so weird. Just without adding of any of the fictional creepy elements to it. One of the creepy elements was that you were never supposed to walk up these stairs, because if you did, you would bring bad luck to the the mission or could possibly just disappear into a different dimension. Which is quite a scary thought to me. Imagine slipping into a slightly different dimension and everything is just ever so slightly wrong, all because you walked up some perfectly intact mansion's stairs out in the middle of some massive woods, many kilometers away from any paths. Maybe ten to a hundred times further than even that from civilization. It just feels weird to think that something seemingly so innocent gets mangled into something so weirdly horrifying. I just needed to get this down somewhere.

Sometimes I just sit and think, unable to motivate my body to do anything. I just feel my feelings and think my thoughts to the best of my ability. Let it all flow through me like an ocean flowing across the world. In and out of my brain, a constant flow of what makes me human. None of the thoughts are able to root in my brain however, not a thought that roots itself in my brain and takes over my subsequent thoughts and feelings. It is a weirdly calming thing to do. I guess it is akin to meditation, definitely similar to it, as it allows me to feel and think in a peaceful way, just without that intend. I would not mind if I had concrete thoughts and feelings to put into words on this page. I think that may have to be it for this post, a rather short and messy one.

So today I was at a birthday party of a dear friend of mine. I had not yet finished my gifts, but I was not alone in that. We started off having a bit of a typical circle birthday, in our own unique way atleast, before going on to play some games. The gaming started with just dance, which I just watched and did not parttake in myself because I was too damn warm. After all this we got to the good part.
We played capitalism simulator AKA marioparty 9. We were having fun, until I became rich. I kept stealing people's wealth and hoarding it. This was my inner Waluigi at play. It was forcing me to be evil silly. Pushing everyone down for my own self gain. After I became far and away the richest player in the game, I ended up screwing everyone over by voting to go left. Causing everyone to lose point, and I mean everyone , thanks to the raising lava levels. Eventually this bit me in the ass, though. Because I started losing wealth too. When this started happening, when waluigi the capitalist became poorer, he decided it was over. I tried to make everyone lose as much wealth as possible. Which worked because at the end I was once more the richest. Until I got utterly DESTROYED by everyone else in the boss battle. But that was just a skill issue. Anyway, moral of the story: In capitalism simulator make everyone as poor as possible, even if it ends up making yourself poorer.

The third day of the event once again started off with a can of monster energy. Great way to start busy and chaotic days. This was swiftly followed by me getting half-dressed and going to the store, because my full outfit would not have been entirely suitable for going to a store. I got breakfast for my lover, and some snacks for on our trip back home. when I got back to the hotel room, we ate together an had another cup of the horrid instant coffee.
We then cleaned the room quite properly and packed everything up, before getting fully dressed and grouping up with the others. We all walked to the car park togehter and packed up the car before going to our last day of Castlefest. I am so glad I did not have to get changed on the parking lot again, because it is kind of embarrasing to have to do so. We walked onto the festival grounds and decided that we would meet up in the same spot as the past two days at two thirty.

My partner and I walked over the entirity of the festival with the agreement that we would buy anything we really wanted in that time, and buy nothing for ourselves anymore afterward. We did this in order to still be able to buy gifts for eachother afterward, seeing our four month anniversary is coming up soon. I ended up buying hundred percent cotton lace for myself, and a bunch of hundred percent linnen. Three colors one by one-twofifths meter each. I also got a piece of a hundred percent woolen felt for a mere ten euros. It is like ninety by fifty centimeters. And it is a material I want to use for hat making real bad which is usually significantly more expensive. While walking around, we got asked by crew from the event if they could film us for the aftermovie, to which we agreed. I also bought a pack of pokemon cards and pulled one of those textured full art card. Are those still rare these days? I have no clue. It is 188/189 Roxanne by the way. It goes for more than I got the pack for, so I guess I will hold on to it.
[link to aftermovie] We then regrouped, before splitting up into different groups again. I went around with my sibling's best friend. He wanted me to take pictures of him. Some curated images here. After this we went across the entire festival grounds together too to score some gifts for others. I would share what I got, but my partner is known to occassionally lurk on this page, so I can not do so at the moment. It will probably be revealed sometime in early October.
The two of us ended up sitting somewhere and just chatting for a while. It was really nice. We ended up discussing hats and such, and he asked whether I would be able to make him a custom tophat. One very similar to Professor Layton's tophat from the old nintendo game series. I said that I would be able to make that, so keep your eyes peeled on my art page too, as I will upload a picture there when it is done. I am so happy that I am finally getting into hat making again.
After a while of just sitting there, just before the previously agreed upon meet-up time, the person whom I was with realized he needed to pick something up on the other side of the terrain, so we quickly hurried over there, before heading to the meeting spot. We were late. How is it that I was late every single time, regardless of who I was with. Anyhow, reunited with the others once more , the six of us decided it was an appropriate time for dinner. After dinner, my parents decided to walk up to the main stage.
After hanging around for a while, I needed to use the toilet, so I went in the direction of the nearest toilet, but that area was already closed off, as the organizerss were slowly closing down the festival. So we had to walk quite the distance to a toilet, especially considering all the faster routes were shut down too so stand holders could start packing up. This was quite annoying as I really needed to go and did not want to walk half a kilometer. I did regardless.
Having finally gotten back to the rest of the group, I sat down again and just vibed. The music was ending soon, and the masses were starting to leave. A friend of mine, who was not originally with the group, asked if I wanted to play Magic The Gathering with them, to which I agreed. I started off strong, but then my luck turned absolutely abysmal leading to me getting absolutely dominated. I think I went from like eighteen health to a number in the negatives in like an instant. Utterly devastating. After this massive loss, we went back to the cars and packed our last things, before heading on a long ride home.

The ride home was mostly uneventful. Say for when in the dead of night a cop car sped past us breaking several traffic laws. It did not have it's sirens nor cop lights on. So I was kind of confused. I wonder if what the cop did was actually legal. But when we finally got home, after the predicted duration of the car ride this time, I brought all my stuff upstairs and me and my partner got settled in. Finally getting some of the rest I so desperately needed.

The second day of the event started off less chaotic as the day prior. A great indication of the day to come. Luckily though, it did start a little later. At eight in the morning this time rather than six.
The day started by consuming a monster, followed about half an hour later by breakfast with coffee. (Think really bad instant coffee, with enough milk and sugar that it didn't taste nearly as bad anymore.) Honestly quite a relaxing start to my day. Then we got told plans changed and that instead of going in two seperate groups, we would go in one group all together. Which was quite annoying. I stated that I found this annoying and that we woke up at eight am specifically for that plan, and the plans got changed back. Made the start of the day incredibly much more chaotic than it appeared prior to this. My autism did not enjoy this in the slightest.

The car ride went smoothly this time around and I once more had to get changed in the parking lot. This went mostly smoothly. We then had to hurry onto the terrain, being allowed to bypass any lines thanks to our wristbands, and hurried to one of the stages. We wanted to be early to join in a free dance class. It was very busy, very awesome, very warm, and very fun. I got to dance with many strangers, and also slow-dance in a Scottish style with my partner. It was so much fun.
Following the dancing, we were completely and utterly exhausted. Me in my massive flower skirt, which acted like a thick tent keeping all the warmth that came free while dancing stuck to my body, had to sit down to let the area under the skirt breathe and cool down. While I did this, my partner went to fetch us both some water. We sat together for a while just chilling and relaxing, before we had to continue on to the pre-discussed meet up spot. The same spot that was impossible to find last night, though luckily we now knew where it was. Once there we just sat and vibed for a while, until it was time for THE TRINKET TRADEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

The trinket trade was incredibly fun, I somehow did away with all my trinkets in a bit over half an hour. It was great. I got so many cool things. I got so many fun charm, and also some fun handdrawn things. On top of that i got such a cute pair of crochet flower earrings and lots of friendship bracelets. I got a cool wine cork painted to look like a mushroom and I also got a pokemon card. The pokemon card was Altaria (such a funny fella), I also got a rock with a little kitty drawn on it, and a slice of wood with a toucan! And an absolutely adorable clay rose, a duck and some protection charms. A crochet/knitted lemon and a lemon pin that says "slightly bitter" some keychains and a little plastic duck. And someone even gave me a win charm, like one of the spinny ones. It is so cool, but I will probably end up bastardizing it by pinning a lot of small custom pieces onto it. (I recon it woul be ideal to display small pieces on shrink plastic.) But at the same time, It is absolutely gorgeous as is. Overall I am quite happy with all the little trinkets which I traded, and I am really hoping some people reach out to me with a picture of one of the worms I traded around. :)

After this we continued on to sit in a grass field nearby, where we witnessed a young egyptian/nile goose getting repeatedly harassed and incredibly scared. After a while I tried to get it with me to calm it down. Which luckily worked. I poured water into the grass which it proceeded to drink and bathe in. It was really cute. I don't understand why people feel the need to harass and try to hurt such an innocent animal. Eventually someone got in contact with some of the organizers, whom said that this was the goose's natural habitat (which might well be true, but it obviously got separated from its flock and was not used to well over twenty thousand visitors constantly walking around. It stayed with me for an hour before this news came. The news obviously made me quite distraught and upset. But hey, this still wasn't the most chaotic part of the day.
After this we slowly made our way toward a stage, where we sat down and I proceeded to draw for a little. It was a lot of fun. My partner ended up bringing me an English pie which was delightful. It was an English pie filled with a pulled chicken-mushroom filling which was just so good. It tasted absolutely awesome. I also stole some wedges and a bit of garlic bread (for a description, see yesterday's description.)
Then it started raining out of nowhere. I quickly out all my things in my bag and sheltered with my back against the (solid) temporary fencing, before one of us (I think it was my partner) brought up the idea to use our sitting blanket as a makeshift umbrella. Which somehow kept all six of us mostly dry.

Shortly after this the music started and we started having a great time. Dancing, jumping, singing (when we knew songs.) But before you know it, my tent like outfit caused me to overheat again. Right as a slowER song started to play, so my stupid self decided to sit on the side to cool myself down. My dad tried (in vain) to get me to come back to the stage to dance again, and so did my mom. My sibling tried too and was failing until they pulled out the sibling card. And seeing we have a great relationship with eachother and trust eachother an awful lot. So when they said "trust me" I did.
So I went back to the dance floor, confused and overheating, and start dancing with my partner again. And before I even realized what was going on, barely able to playfully whisper the words "oh no" into their ears quickly followed by a "shut up" from my partner, they reach into their pocket and pull our a walnut. Turns out this walnut was a handmade ring box, and immediately after they pulled it out they went on one knee. It took my exhausted and on the verge of collapse self too long to realize what was going on, but I grabbed the ring and put it around the wrong ring finger. Before delving into an embrace around them. My brain didn't think to say the word yes for a solid while. Everyone around us melted away and for a moment it was just the two of us that mattered. No one else mattered in the slightest. Just us two. And then, once the band had caught wind of what was going on, they played wedding interlude (like the stereotypical wedding song) which made the moment even more intimate and special. Eventually I got told that the entire group we were with were in on it, and even the camera crew were informed. So there's a lot of angles of recordings to look back on.

They gave me an absolutely gorgeous ring. It is this rosegold beauty with a large emerald and two pieces of green tourmaline. It is so gorgeous. [Instert picture here] Afterwards we went to sit together for a bit. Many tears were shed, many congratulations were received from people in the crowd. It was quite honestly quite great. Very emotional. Eventually we recharged enough to rejoin the crowd and dance and sing and have fun. We received even more congratulations here.
When the music was over, the crowd started chanting one more song, which they did. They eventually made the crowd form a giant circle and the lead singer left the stage and hopped the barricade to dance in there while singing and playing his now disconnected guitar. Eventually a couple other people joined in, and before the circle fell in on itself and devolved into chaos, me and my partner got to happily frolick around for a while. Which was so whimsical and caused a lot of joy. After this the band really left.

When this was all over, we called my dad-in-law to tell him the good news. I tried to say something but was quickly back to tears of joy and happiness. I was so shaky I couldn't even hold the phone up to my ear. All I could get out was "we got engaged" before my brain was completely fried.
We then proceeded on to the merch stand to buy a CD, only to find out my parents bought us one. The lead singer was there though, so I thanked him for how nice what they did was, and he asked to give me a kiss, and I said only on my cheek. And so he did, and he did the same to my partner. (European customs).
This was followed by us finally able to get in contact with my mom-in-law to tell her the good news too. I was not able to say anything this time around. Which may well have been for the better.

This was followed by us sitting and resting up for a while, before we walked off to look at more market stalls. This was perhaps one of the more wrecking walks, because I was absolutely exhausted and was walking 'round barefooted over paths with lots of sharp and pointy loose rocks. It sucked so bad. I did find really cute earrings though! leather leaf earrings which i can now get to wear occassionally. I might include them in a drawing eventually. We were walking in a group of three; my partner, a friend, and me. eventually, at the end of this path, there was a loop. But this loop was even worse to walk on So I kept backing up to where we previously were. Because there I could atleast stand still. While I stood there, some people came up to me and asked for photos which turned out half-decent.
Thanks to this occurance with the photos, I lost the friend we were with, and my partner went to walk around the loop to see if they could find our friend, but they were unsuccesful. This led us to decide to walk back a bit and sit on a bench and just chat for a bit, after which our friend came back to us, and we said goodbye to eachother for the day.
This led us too check the time, and realize we should probably get some food. We decided on a pulled chicken sandwhich with a glass of cherry mead. we sat close to where we were with the goose earlier just so I could watch the goose and tell people not to harrass it (which, it is a shame that this needs to be said to people. PLEASE JUST LEAVE WILD ANIMAL ALONE AND DO NOT RUN AFTER THEM, THROW THINGS AT THEM OR WHATEVER). We toasted to our engagement and shared delishious meal. This, then was followed to us regrouping with our inititial group, and my sibling, my partner and I ordering a staggering nine bottles of mead between the three of us, which we had too pick up on the parking lot. We then sat as a group for a while, waiting for my mom to return from watching the wicker man ceremony (Not a traditional one with rumored human and animal sacrifices. But rather version where you can bring in emotionally significant items to be burned in the ceremony).

After my mom returned, we split the group in two again. I was in the first group to leave, in order to pick up the nine bottles of mead. It had to be split over two boxes, which meant that I had to call over my partner to help me carry it. On our way from the winestand to the car, we merged back together with the other half of the group, walking back to the car together.
Having finally arrived at the car, I had to change back into my comfortable clothes again, which I did. Oncemore we the drive was uneventful. Having arrived at the parking garage, we had to walk to the hotel through the city, past two absolutely adorable geese, and this, too, was rather uneventful. I just wanted to mention these two geese to be honest. Once in the hotel room, I laid down for a moment before taking a shower, after which we met up in My parents' room. We were going to share a bottle of mead between the six of us, but, we were lacking a corkscrew. We tried opening it in several manners, and even asked the front desk whether they had one, but they did not. We ended up settling for what small amount of mead we still had in a different, already open bottle. After we chatted and laughed a bunch, we went back to our own rooms and slept.

Well, to start this post off, I would like to state that this day started at 6am and has not yet ended at the time I am writing this at 11.40pm. I am in a hotel that has the vibes of an abandoned motel that somehow has electricity. On top of all this I am severely sleep deprived and have yet to properly process the day.
After waking up, I took half an hour to wake up a little (drinking a can of expired monster energy to do so (it was incredibly cheap, do not judge me.)) And then I started doing my make up. Was done around 8.30am and packed everything into the car. We left by 9.04am, expecting to arrive at the festival terrain 2.5 hours later. This 2.5 hours turned into 3.5 hours by the end of it all, due to several unexpected stops. We did get to listen to several CDs though. Fear Fun by father john misty, Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge by my chemical romance, Through The Veil by Seed, and the first half of The Real Will Wood by will wood and the tapeworms.
Just after arriving on the parking lot I had to change into my outfit, because it was too large to fit into the car while wearing this. As I was putting it on, the first compliments started rolling in. A couple people also about to enter the festival. Now finally ready, we walked over to the entrance, only to find ourselves in a line that was damn near an hour long. Fuck. I was barefooted and it was a gravelly path.

Having finally arrived at the terrain, I desperately needed to pee, but we were failing miserably at finding a urinal. After finally getting to empty my bladder (and ofcourse wash my hands) we went to meet up with a friend. We proceeded to sit in the grass and chat for close to an hour. Only interrupted by me and my partner running up to people in a barbie and ken (from the new barbie movie) cosplayers and my partner asking if I could take a picture with them. And taking a picture with a tardis cut-out.
After this, it was a solid 3pm and we went to walk a bit, our friend had to do a job on the terrain for a standholder at 5pm, which will get relevant later. On top of this, I feel the need to explain that my outfit consisted of four layers of hardly/not breathing fabrics down to the floor, and that the weather conditions were full sun and quite warm. It was like wearing an incredibly warm, oversized tent. Yet somehow it was more impractical.
We went to walk a partial walk over the terrain, ending at this giant field with the floor covered in black plastic plates. In the full sun. It was unbearably hot and I was absolutely disintegrating. At a given point, I was on the verge of fainting, as I was standing in full sun, surrounded partially by big black plastic plates in the full sun resulting in extremely high temperatures locally. It was just so poorly planned. Very warm, and big black plastic plates covering the grass all over the place.
After this our friend ended up having to leave, but me and my partner met back up with our group. We ended up holding a small photoshoot, because one of our friends brought a camera and acquired a photographer/press pass. During this photoshoot, some guys from a national news program rudely started interviewing me. They were being overly pushy with their questions and turns out they are known for being quite anti-woke. Which annoyed me. (With a later point of reference at which I am proof reading this again for upload, I am proud to say that I did not end up in their edit.)
[Attach pics] After this, we split up again to have dinner. Me and my partner got garlic bread (not regular, rather, this giant piece of bread, sliced in half, sliced half toasted in butter. Then covered in a special herbal garlic sauce, with tomato sauce, cucumber, red onions, pickled pepper, crispy onions and Sriracha as toppings.) It was fucking delightful and oh so refreshing. We then proceeded to dance at one of the stages until about ten to seven, because we had agreed to meet up at 7pm at a specific spot, but I'll get back on that later.
Before heading to the meet up spot, we went to a book stand we checked out earlier and each bought some strips. I bought two quite fun ones, and my partner bought two pretty dark ones. I'll write about them eventually, keep your eyes peeled (book review page when??). I got a free plushie with my purchase, and my partner got a free book which I also intend to write about. (eventually)

As we arrived at the meet up spot, five minutes late, we discovered the rest of the group wasn't there. We were trying to figure out where they actually were, but that took a solid fifteen minutes. We discussed the plan and agreed to meet back up at the (now agreed and known spot) at 9pm. Which gave us one and a half hours to roam. Which we did. We checked out a whole bunch of stands we hadn't had time for earlier, which was lots of fun. I also feel the need to add that wherever I went people were looking/staring at me with astonishment, truly admiring the creation I made that was on my body. Gawking at my beauty and fruits of labor. At the blood, sweat and tiers they could tell I had put into my outfit. I also feel the need to add that i gave several people business cards to get in contact with me to send me the pictures they took. I might upload them somewhere so I can link them here.
[Link] Now being ten to nine, we were on our way to the meet up spot, and I got a nasty fucking splinter. I couldn't apply pressure on the sole of my foot anymore, and it was too small to see. My partner got the first aid people to help me, and they told me they needed to take me to the first aid tent to help me out. I felt so much shame being pushed around in a wheelchair in the middle of the forest in the outfit I was wearing (it did not want to fit in the wheelchair in the slightest.) Well, upon arriving at the tent, and being put on a hospital bed to be helped. The splinter ended up disappearing. I have no clue what did it, maybe it was the bandage, maybe it was the cloth with a solution to clean wounds. Who knows. But the splinter had disappeared. It still hurt (and hurts) to walk because I had a nasty (but miniscule) splinter. (Oncemore proof-reading me here, I did end up finding a hole in my foot where the splinter used to be and I tried my best to keep it atleast somewhat clean. Though I refused to stop walking around bare-footed.)

We ended up walking back to the car after, which was a massive struggle, after which we drove to the hotel I'm writing this in right now. However, it didn't go this smoothly. We got lost. There was no parking lot/parking garage at the hotel, so we were lost. And since everything was one direction traffic, we had to cross the entire old city center of an old, and decently big, dutch city by car. It was horrid. I felt even more shame. We proceeded to find out that there was a parking lot a roughly five minute walk from the hotel. Which we ended up parking in. During this walk, we saw a group of geese, which made me deeply happy. (Honestly looking back on this, and it was not all that bad. I got to see an old city in a light most people will never get to see it in, so I am glad to have gotten to experience this.)
Having finally reached the hotel, we thought all had ended well. But the hotel isn't as nice as the lobby suggests. The rooms feel like a motel, and the hallways have the vibe of a long abandoned motel with electricity running for some god forsaken reason. The bathroom is incredibly weird too, the shower was raised significantly higher than the rest of the shower. This made showering a weird experience because of the entire layout. Also there was a massive mirror facing me, which was scary.
This is where i sign up at seventeen past midnight. See you in the next post. Which I will write up after tomorrow's events. Hopefully it runs a bit more smoothly than today.

I was listening to some video essay about an artist who wrote mangas/anime/whatever about cute cats which were quite gruesome. They would go on adventures and suddenly it would end in like death or some other horrible event. The artist is called Nekojiru, I will check them out soon, so expect posts about that sometime soon. But back to the topic I wanted to talk about. In that video there was a quote from a movie, or a different art piece, or something of the sort. I do not remember who the quote is from, but it stuck with me.
"2893 People were blown to hell when a fireball hit the World Trade Center.
It was such a beautiful sight.
A beer in one hand, i was glued to the TV.
Everything's going crazy.
That's why I peep at the corpses under the rubble.
I peep at the corpses.
I peep at the corpses.
I peep at the corpses.
I peep at the corpses.
I peep at the corpses.
I peep at the corpses."
I have not a clue why this quote implanted itself into my brain like it did. I guess it is just that, out of nowhere, I was forced to think about the terrorist attacks that took place on 9/11 and all the people that died that day. And also the thought that some people are incredibly indifferent to the massive loss of life. I guess I am too sometimes. I did not experience 9/11 myself, nor a world prior to 9/11. I wonder what this quote had to do with the video though. I mainly just had it on as background noise while working on an arts project (you'll all get to see it soon) so I wonder if these thoughts will be present in the manga that Nekojiru wrote too. I will update you all on that while/after I read it. I will no continue thinking about how to make this site look better rather than constantly get distracted. Have a good one!

Well, here goes nothing. I had so many intriguing (This word is so stupid, like, why is it writen like that ???) thoughts and ideas flow through my head. do not know what inspired these thoughts. perhaps it was the socializing. Perhaps it was the wine. I do know one thing it was, though. It was a lot of fun. I thought about the movie we were watching "The Pouhkeepsie Tapes". I had never heard of it before, however, my sibling said they saw some talk about how it is an absolutely horrifying movie on tiktok and how, supposedly, it was a masterpiece in disguise. I personally would disagree. There is not much horror in it. Just plays as a documentary about a (fictional) serial killer with "found footage" playing in the background for most of it. I still thought it was pretty interesting though I neither think it was some awesome movie, nor that it was some piece of trash film not worth having watched in the first place. I doubt that I will watch it again though. Anyway, I thought a lot about the killer, and like, the way they described his every action felt like a 'how to become a mass murderer and get away with it' type of guide. Ofcourse, this guide would no longer work in the modern life because of advancements we as a society have made in like recognizing peoples DNA and such, but still. It felt kind of weird. If i had that movie and lived in the 70s, I could probably kill a bunch of people, get a cool nickname, get away with it, never get caught and just be a person weirdos on the internet simp for in the modern day. Kind of like the Zodiac killer. I did like how the movie mentioned something among the lines of that at any time in the United States there were anywhere between 10 and 25 serial killers on the loose. I found that pretty interesting.

I wish the entire world could be nuked right now. Everyone is kind of terrible and I'm just fed up with people They're all annoying to my brain right now. I'm exhausted and just the thought of people is annoying me right now. I'm so fed up with everyone and everything. I hate feeling like this but at the same time, it feels kind of good. I just wish a world ending scenario happened and everyone is too apathetic to stop it and then everyone dies. I'd kind of enjoy that I think. The end of the world, it wouldn't be all bad. I kind of believe most people are bad. I don't know if anyone here has seen the good place, but basically their system of afterlife is based as fuck and everyone goes to hell because LITERALLY no one lives a good life anymore because we all cause more harm than good no matter how hard they try. Now in the show they fix the afterlife, which I guess I sort of understand, but if you really think about it, if people actually cause more good than harm, do they not deserve to rot in hell? Are they not deserving of eternal punishment? Should they not, too, be punished forever rather than pretend to be reformed only to be fucking jackasses in heaven again? Maybe they just kicked people out of heaven who showed regression in their patterns. That would honestly be based as fuck. Imagine dying and getting reformed in the afterlife through slightly better than prison systems, only to be fucking kicked out the gates because you are not good enough? That would be funny as fuck to see. I would be so fucking bitter though. Could you become a terrorist in heaven? Because if that would happen to me, I might become inclined to. Anyhow, back to my original point, I think practically everyone deserves to rot. Basically everyone does bad stuff, unapologetically, all the time and without remorse for most of it too. And I think some of these people deserve to rot. But I also think no one deserves to decide who should and who should not rot either. Because that would basically be playing god. Deciding who dies and when they do so is too much power for any person or institution. Some groups of people will always want to kill other groups of people, and I do not want people I care about to end up on the chopping block or anything. I mean, it is not like they are in most places currently, but some people are calling for that to happen. Welp, this was kind of therapeutic. See you all again next time LOL.